When Walking Away Means Giving It Your All

Relationships are complicated.

Some make you feel down right amazing and others can leave you feel drained.  I’m talking just-got-hit-by-a-train-and-drug-through-100-feet-of-quicksand drained.

Does this relationship sound all too familiar?

Well, I don’t share many negative things on my blog or on social media in general just because I try (don’t always succeed) to be positive and find humor in things.  But believe it or not, I had a relationship that was so exhausting, so gut wrenching, so unsatisfying, and downright disturbing to my emotions and my family.

I won’t get into the details because honestly, they don’t matter.  What matters is that this type of relationship can occur with ANYONE.  Maybe you are struggling with your boss, a friend, a family member, some random person online, or maybe it’s yourself.

Whatever it is, it’s not healthy. Healthy living is not just about eating wholesome foods and working out; our emotional health is just as important.  Which is why I decided to be vulnerable and share this today.

{Let’s back track}

My toxic relationship has been ongoing for years and no matter how I was handling my emotions and reactions toward this person, I was never making progress.  I kept trying different approaches for the sake of doing the right thing and being able to sleep at night knowing I tried.

I still felt sad.

I still felt drained.

I was starting to feel hatred.

Finally, I was at my breaking point.  I decided to meet with a counselor and find a way to be at peace.  After talking crying for a while I discovered that part of my problem (yes, I said MY) was that I was trying to fix things because it was what everyone else wanted me to do, and what I thought was the right thing to do.  I was also scared of what might happen if I didn’t try anymore; I wondered if I would end up looking back, regretting the fact that I cut ties and if I hadn’t things might be different.

He also explained to me that the hatred I was feeling was a defense mechanism.  The example he gave was something like this:

If you are making cookies and you burn your hand on the oven, you will probably be a little more careful the second time you bake.  If you burn yourself again, you might even wear both oven-mits and long sleeves.  If the pattern continues, you will eventually stop baking and might resort to using the microwave or buying cookies at Subway.  There will be a scar from getting burned repeatedly, but eventually that scar will fade.  It will need time away from the oven or it will never heal.

It became clear to me what I so desperately needed to do.

End it.

Easier said than done, right?

This doesn’t mean that I never want to have a relationship with this person, but by cutting ties, I am trying to salvage any bit of what we have left before it’s entirely ruined.  So maybe later in our lives we will be able to work things out.

Or maybe we won’t.

But I finally feel at peace and can start healing.  I also want this person to heal in his/her own time.  I would rather have nothing at all than have a toxic relationship that no one benefits from.


I hope that this post was able to shed some light on ANY relationship you are a part of and if this really hits home, maybe you will appreciate this mantra.  I have to remind myself of this often.

relationship mantra

If you are in a similar situation and feel that leaving a comment will help you feel peace with your relationship, then do so. Sometimes we need to get it off our chest. (Thank you for allowing me to do this today.)  But if that doesn’t feel right, consider tweeting one of these quotes as a reminder to yourself or so that you might be the light I someone else’s healing process.



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