I have been sharing a lot of behind the scenes binging that has been going on in my world now that I am off-season. I like to keep it real. I asked Ryanne, a fellow friend and bikini competitor, to share her story today about how emotionally challenging it can be during the transition to off-season. Almost every single competitor struggles with this so I think it’s extremely important to be transparent here. Check out her story and I will be back later this week to share my thoughts. You can also follow my new series True Life: I’m A Bikini Competitor.
What happens when the 4 coats of spray that you have had for almost 3 weeks of your life fades?
What happens when the 6 pack of abs is gone?
What happens when your thighs and ass feel absolutely gigantic?
What happens when you are sore and swollen, and your body is just trying to figure it out… but your mind just isn’t catching up?
I was at the gym lifting the other day and had this overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment when I looked at my workout plan. Seeing BIKINI COMPETITOR at the top made me all warm and fuzzy and full of smiles and happiness. I am a competitor. And I am proud of what I have accomplished. – With the happiness comes the battle.
I am now 3 weeks post show and everyday is a battle. A battle to follow my food plan, a battle to kick my own ass in the gym… a battle accept the fact that I my body is not the same as it was on show day.
So what happened?
Well – for starters I lost my mind on some damn food… all the food, in fact. I followed my plan 80% and then lost it on Halloween and went off the deep end with all of the candy (don’t judge me). I could have stopped, but I didn’t.
Since my shows have ended and a little more flexibility was put into my life, I have developed this fear that everything will be taken away again. That I will have to restrict again to the same 5-8 foods for 5 months, so I literally needed to eat everything in sight. Honestly, it has been the weirdest thing. I never had a poor relationship with food prior to my prep…and now that I am post prep and in off-season I see food differently. All day I have to remind myself that it will be there tomorrow, the next day, week or month.
I am in off-season for over a year! My mind, however, can’t seem to grasp the fact that it will be there. So we battle daily.
Because I am a feeler, I usually listen to my heart and my gut. When it comes to my body though, my mind likes to mess around with me. I had to take pictures to realize what is actually happening post competition.
As you can see – it’s different. I am not lean anymore – in fact, my body fat has gone up 4% since show day. The goal now is to maintain at 16%. My little baby 2-4 pack of abs is there on some days, but most days they just say hey girl and then they out! The weight that I have gained back is roughly 10 pounds and it’s sitting right in my butt and thighs making them feel thicka than a snicka.
Girls, I know you feel me on this. I appreciate the booty gains, and the butt being a little bigger again, but I miss feeling small. My bronzed body is back to MinneSNOWta WHITE making me look even less toned, which also isn’t helping my psyche any.
In reality… when I look in the mirror I see the girl from 2014. She terrifies me. I don’t want to go back to that.
Some days are better than others, some days I completely avoid the mirror and the scale. Every day I have to tell myself that I am healthy, I cannot maintain stage weight all season long, I need food – and the right kind of food to fuel my body and not damage it.
This truly is a mental game and when the tan fades and the muscles go back into hiding it’s time to get your act right and kill it in off-season! Keep trusting the process and let your mind get right on her time, because I know my mind will come around, it will just take a while. Life’s a journey and I need to keep following the path! No matter how many times I get knocked down or fall off, I will get back up and start over!
Thank you so much to Ryanne for being an open book here. Can you relate?
Hey y’all…My name is Ryanne. I’m 30 years old and living the dream in good ol’ Minneapolis! I am on a serious journey to becoming the happiest and healthiest me that I can be. Through health, wellness, bodybuilding, and training for my first bikini competition, I am well on my way to becoming the person I know I can be!